Today i had a surprise when I came to work... I almost wanted to take mc cause I had really bad diarrhea and my tummy hurt so bad that i couldnt sleep properly and almost wanted to come... i was sorta scared I would faint cause i always seem to faint when I experience some sort of pain.
But I didnt ... off course... i am trying not to take too many mc unnecessarily unless I am dying... hehe...

Well when I came to work my sister called me into the office and told me i was going to be transfereed to ward 57. I was sorta shocked when she told me that although I had requested for it myself. I just felt excited ... New enviornment, new setting, new things to learn... well I actually like where i am although it can get pretty hectic. I could easily have sunk into the hole of familiarity , but i still wanna give other places a try and i sorta havnt totally focused on what i wanna do yet. I just know i feel stagnant where i am and probably a new setting would do me some good ... so well, i am pretty glad.

Reflections of 2 years in Nursing

Its been a long long journey and I dunno how i landed where I am now... Basically i like what i do but i hate the management and I hate the work processes. I used to be ever so optimistic that i should never let my environment affect me but i should in turn change my enviornment, however sometimes find my strength is too insignificant. What really makes a good nurses. Are they the ones that get a good quality service award and have their faces pasted on the wall every year?

I am feeling less and less job satisfaction from what i do every day. Instead of the real patient contact, i feel overwhelmed with paper work, policies procedures, theories. Patient care is a superficial touch and go event of every day nursing duties. Where is the nurse that loved to listen to her patient's stories, sing to them when she was changing their diapers (yes that was me... i was crazy), was ever so ready to put on a genuine smile. Instead of that I am a nurse flying from one task to another with the aim of completing all the tasks and going home on time. When have i last really felt happy when working. When have i started treating it like a job... something that i drag myself out of bed in the morning to go to...

Do i really want to do this for the rest of my life? I guess I would probably end up as a eccentric old maid, which i feel myself heading to. Is all this worth it, just for something i considered as a passion for helping and serving many years before.

I tell myself maybe its just me... i should try to be optimistic , but somehow just felt like a walking robot who just carries out her duties dutifully but finds no joy in it... I beleive its not only me thats having this problem just that ppl dun write it down in pen and paper i wouldn't be surprised at least 50 percent think like that.

Today I went back to my ward. It feels weird to be back again and i felt pretty disorientated. But it was a good thing i was doing junior work today. It is a good thing there were some students around to help around... i dunno how long I wanna stay around le, maybe in a moneths time I shall request for transfer out but to where is still an issue. Right now, I am putting all my time and effort on my nursing management essay which i think i shall lose sleep over. i am feeling depressed cause i really dunno whether I can finish it by then. I requested for a time extension but it was not granted... I dun care if i only sleep a few hours every night but I must get it done. I am trying to detach myself from everything around me that is distracting. I really really dun have time to entertain any other thoughts. I just want to get this over and done this. i just hope others will understand I am in a very difficult situation. Haiz. dunno why everytime it reaches this sort of assignment period there seem to be more distractions than normal. My friend asked me to go gym, another asked me to watch movie, another asked me to go out at night. Then my sister is coming back soon. i really wish could go out with her but will be busy, but at least have to give her some priority...

Ok, i better get back to doing my assignment!!!

OMG... I am so bloody drained out. Now I know the feeling of writing a essay when I have absolutely no knowlege whatsoever on the topic... So i am trying to read up more on topic , but time seems to be running out... Shit!!! Even though today I had a whole day to figure it out but was too distracted with other stuff, and i find it terribly difficult to write... Oh shit, i feel scared!!! tomorrow gotta wake up early to go school print out the articles I need. After that its back to my hell hole ward... this was a pretty bad time to go back i have to say... haha

Farewell my friends

Today my ward held a farewell party for the 4 of us leaving to go back to our wards next week. Initially, I was rather reluctant to go cause wanted to stay at home to start on my assignment but then thought i shuld go and get some sort of closure... I didnt regret going back today!!! It was such a nice stress relieving event. I came late and we had pizza hut, kfc and even had a cake ... Then we took alot alot of pictures which i will try to upload later when i get them on my hands... I feel sorta sad that i am leaving though i was sorta irritated that i get deployed out all the time... I guess thats the contradicting thing about human feelings... After that was tempted to watch the movie " Cyborg She" or go shopping... cause really feel like watching that show!!! But i told myself, I must try to be disciplined and do my assignment.... Sucks.. Life sucks.... arrrgh!!!! But I still wanna watch the show Cyborg She... seems like a nice show!!!

Monday going back to my ward to work... Must get my momentum of routine work back again...

Today is my sleeping day after my night... It has been the most memorable night shift i have ever had... Details i shall not dwell into but memories I will keep...

Today got an sms from my friend saying I will be going back to my ward next week, apparently my sister requested for me to go back to my ward... Actually i feel a bit reluctant to go back especially at this time when all my assignments are coming crashing. Though I know this is a place I dun really wanna stay for long but I cant deny its a good place to be now when I am busy with studies. I never regret getting out of the ward for a breather and i never regret this experience and oppurtunity to experience other stuff. Thank god for this experience!!!

My present ward holding a farewell party for me and another 2 staff going off next week. Actually feel like staying home and doing my assignment but i thought I better go, cause they prepared a farewell for us and think should just go... I dunno when will be the next time I see them...

Today went out with my poly mates jenny, hafiz and jacq... Its been a really really long time since i last saw them and we had a nice get together though it was a bit noisy and crowded at marina. After which we went to watch fireworks... it was really better than I expected. After that went home with jenny and we had a nice long chat... i am happy i got the oppurtunity to watch fireworks with my poly mates cause i remember when we were still in poly we would come every year. so was sort of nostalgic...